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In Memory of My Wife, Elise Cawley, with Thanks for 36 Wonderful Years (stephenwolfram.com)
1133 points by jdcampolargo 9 hours ago | hide | past | favorite | 62 comments
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An amazingly detailed tribute, you'd have to think this was taken from a journal, in which case it's impressive to keep such a record of their life, or maybe Stephen just has a fantastic memory.

Even through that detail you can really feel how much he loved and admired her.

> Somehow in the shock of what has happened it feels as if I just met Elise, and now she is gone.

A reminder that time's cruelty is making the wonderful feel shorter than the painful.

> My only solace in this tragedy is that the end came instantly, after a day filled with nothing but joy.

Hopefully we're all lucky enough to be allowed to rest without suffering while surrounded by loved ones.


Stephen has been documenting his life for decades now. He talks about his system here: https://writings.stephenwolfram.com/2019/02/seeking-the-prod...

A read a story of a guy who bumped into him at conference and had some sort of conversation. The following week he received a follow-up from Wolfram's office with his assigned conversation number. The number was to be used for all follow-ups.

There are probably lots of stories from various people, but here is one: http://blog.wilshipley.com/2010/03/ted-2010.html#:~:text=%E2...

(If the location link doesn't work, scroll down about halfway to the story next to his photo.)


Probably I used to read his blog.

I remember reading about a personal CRM project called Monica years ago. Does anyone here still use it? Is there an actively maintained alternative?

I still have an instance of it running and get email reminders about birthdays, but no, I don't think it has been actively developed for years.

TIL: https://www.monicahq.com/ and https://github.com/monicahq/monica

Last commit was a little over 11 months. There do seem to be a couple of signifiant security issues opened since then, with no response. Someone created a fork: https://github.com/brycehans/monica


There was also iwantsandy but that might be a bit too obscure now!

I met Stephen in 2023 at some MIT AI conference. He was the kindest, most grandfatherly person. I was expecting to meet a relatively pontifical person given some of his work, but he was such the opposite that I was completely taken aback. I spent two hours that evening with him and a small group of people talking about language and maths and so on. (He was very kind to let me take a photo: https://postimg.cc/LYmVCs0G)

That conversation had a tremendous impact on me and completely changed my attitude towards meeting new people.

I am heartbroken for him and his family. And I can see that kind / heartfelt / grandfatherly nature throughout this memoriam.

And please, God, let me die with my wife like John Nash did in that NJ Turnpike taxi crash.


> And please, God, let me die with my wife like John Nash did in that NJ Turnpike taxi crash.

amen brother.


A beautiful read, that is both happy and sad. Sad because the days of their conversations have past. Happy because the memories of their conversations will live on. But since her passing is so sudden, more sad than happy, there are so many things she didn't get to finish.

This is a moving tribute. Stephen Wolfram's writing often has certain faults, which I mention only to be able to say that he has here transcended them; this is a genuine and heartfelt piece of writing which makes me feel sad for his loss.

Yes, it's a very well written, touching tribute and I think it's all the more touching when you're familiar enough with Wolfram's writings to notice the contrast here.

It's one of the most beautiful things I've ever read in my entire life. The reader departs both fallen in love with Elise and tragically heartbroken. Excuse me while I go cry some more in the laundry room, collect myself and annoy my wife with a huge hug.

Vale Elise.

This was really moving and sincere. It made me think of my dad's catastrophic stroke while recovering from brain surgery. I wish that, like Wolfram's wife, he had died instantly on the operating table instead of enduring six years of agony for himself and everyone else.

That’s tough. Sorry that you all had to go through that.

It sounds like the author had an amazing partner and I'm sorry for his loss.

As everybody privileged-to-know knows, a long term partner becomes an equal, and you theirs. One of life's greatest blessings. There is nothing like it.

It's a profound thing to lose someone that intertwined in your life. I should know.

A very beautiful tribute to her life and memory. My condolences go out to her family.

It's better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all, but, god damn does it still hurt to move through that loss. I'm glad it was fast and painless for her and her family.

Thank you for the quote. Here is the verse in full…

In Memoriam AHH, Tennyson

  I envy not in any moods
  The captive void of noble rage,
  The linnet born within the cage,
  That never knew the summer woods:

  I envy not the beast that takes
  His license in the field of time,
  Unfetter'd by the sense of crime,
  To whom a conscience never wakes;

  Nor, what may count itself as blest,
  The heart that never plighted troth
  But stagnates in the weeds of sloth;
  Nor any want-begotten rest.

  I hold it true, whate'er befall;
  I feel it when I sorrow most;
  Tis better to have loved and lost
  Than never to have loved at all.

tennyson had another immortal line that I reach for in times like this: "But oh for the touch of a vanished hand, and the sound of a voice that is still"

https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poems/45318/break-break-bre...


I keep coming back to In Memoriam AHH way more often than I would expect; it’s really a great piece of poetry.

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There are different ways to go. I lost my beautiful wife to cancer that was aggressive. The ups and downs, the terror and the joy of hope is brutal. At some point she knew, pretty late in the game but didn’t want to let us all down.

My dad died from an aortic rupture. He went to grab turkey to make a sandwich and didn’t make it back from the pantry.

It’s all hard, but knowing what she went through and the second guessing and impossible questions we all went through, I’ll take the fatal cardiac event any day.


My understanding is that these catastrophic events typically leave the victim unconscious before they have much time to suffer. I'm not an expert so I'm prepared to be wrong. I hope that was the case for her. I'm aware it could have hurt, too — I suppose the sentiment is that this wasn't a drawn out, needlessly arduous event of waiting and suffering.

My understanding is that people have enough time to register "holy fucking shit, this is it, I'm about to die" before they pass out.

That's why they archetypically clutch their chests.


> she had a freak, vast cardiovascular event—and died instantly

> But then, soon after, disaster struck, and she collapsed, the victim of a massive cardiovascular event. My only solace in this tragedy is that the end came instantly

Perhaps because you are contradicting the author of the tribute with your own unfounded assumptions about the particulars of her passing. I would wager he knows a little bit more about what she experienced than you, surmising in generalities, do. And really, what is the purpose of this quibbling? "Ah yes, I can't let this grieving man have any comfort -- I must assert that actually, his wife must've suffered quite a lot before she died".


What a beautiful tribute.

I have no words, but this tribute is beautiful. I can’t imagine losing someone like that after so many years. Heartbreaking

damn. I am so sorry to hear his wife passed, my heart goes out to him and his family. What a thoughtful tribute.

I have always been a big fan of Stephen Wolfram, I had no idea his wife was such a great mathematician.


I am so sorry for your loss. This is a beautiful and touching tribute and she was lucky to have such a loving husband.

That's neat that she designed their house. When I've seen photos of Wolfram in his house I've always thought it looked an awesome high-class place.

Beautiful and warmth-filled tribute to Elise . Gorgeous piece of writing reflecting his sense of joy, love and loss. A life well lived.

This is a lovely and heartfelt tribute. Thanks for sharing this.

You can feel his love for her. Heartbreaking.

Beautiful tribute. May we all be seen so clearly with whatever time we have on this plane.

Beautiful tribute. Perhaps a reminder to self to write my own version prior to our passing. Such misfortune to be taken so young.

Wonderful tribute.

> But from that moment on we talked essentially every day for 36 years

Man. Our culture is speed running away from one of the greatest joys you can have in your life (a healthy relationship). Stephen, if you can see this, thank you for opening up. Wishing you comfort and peace.


Anyone who can listen to that guy bloviate every day for 36 years must be qualified for sainthood.

<edited> Wolfram is obviously a genius but, like a lot of geniuses, so ahead of his time that he'll be recognized, maybe, decades after his own death.

I can't think of any case where that's true. Einstein was recognized as a genius before his death. Most are recognized from childhood (Carl Friedrich Gauss, John Nash, Blaise Pascal, John von Neumann, etc.)

Wolfram was, in fact, a child (or at least teenage) prodigy.

Seems more common in media fields (Van Gogh, Lovecraft, etc.)

she was loved, she was seen, she was valued.

Beautifully written. My condolences and wish you all the best!

Stephen, we haven't met, but this was a beautiful, heartbreaking tribute. Your wife was clearly an extraordinary person. My deepest condolences to you and your family.

Should everyone have someone who loves them so much to remember them like this.


I've been reading Wolfram quite a bit lately. I'm sad for him and the family, my condolences.

What a tribute, what a way of writing, honestly i just felt i was living it

Sorry for his loss, and for everybody helped by her in any way. However ineffective a comment like this is

I am not crying. You're crying. Oh, man. Rest in peace, Elise and I'm so sorry for your loss, Stephen.

My Condolences!

A beloved wife and mother and a brilliant partner as well. My condolences to the family.

TLDR;

I appreciate this man's love for his wife. I read bits of it. But .. what's the value of this extra long screed?


There was a time when people could write, and thus read, longer than a tweet. Some of us remember that time and are still able to do it.

It's a tribute and he tells you that in the second paragraph.

"But now that Elise is gone I cannot restrain myself from telling the world something about the remarkable person with whom I shared the past 36 years of my life."


[flagged]


All death is a bit strange.

Memento mori

Well shit.

Also, certificate error, but that's forgiveable in the circumstances.




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